Was in a dim sum restaurant, that was busy and serving tasty siu mai–pork and shrimp dumplings–just like I remembered every single time I’ve ever been there as a kid. My family lovingly calls the place “the upstairs”

My sister Alexis and my Auntie Diana, 7th oldest aunt of the 10 total siblings of my mom, took me to eat after I decided that it was what I would love the most as a final memory of family and culture of 626, as I take a now 15 hour long flight (layover included) to Denmark!

I have anxiety when I go into LAX, because it feels like I am just a cog in the machine. 

Stand here. 

Walk. 

Passport. 

Proceed to Gate 157. 

Sit. 

Stand. 

Board.

And after all of those things, the long long flight to a place I’ve never been before.

But I think that my own anxiety has lessened from solo travel adventures I’ve had before, like going to Florida to spend time in a beach house with my uncles and aunts… Or like the 21 day road trip I planned from LA to Washington and back, crossing the entirety of SoCal, NorCal and the Pacific Northwest with 3 other friends I met on the internet.

It’s just always a new thrill whenever I go out to travel. 

And of course I’m excited for the new,, and I anticipate, and visualize the foods I’ll eat, and the people I’ll meet…

But there’s always the quiet moment of reflection I have before I really take flight. 

Perhaps it’s the drive to the airport where I finally think of what’s actually ahead of me. Or the 3 hours I wait in the terminal gate, passing my time by talking with strangers and writing. And sometimes, it’s in the journal entries I make before I say goodbye to my family, who is always with me up until the moment I really have to step out the door on my own.

Those moments of reflection and preparation are the real beginnings of the trip.

I know them as butterflies in my stomach when I am about to perform on stage.

Like 10 days ago, on August 4th, when I gave a keynote speech and poetry workshop for Stanford’s Youth Leadership Conference. The online event’s theme of believing in change, empowerment, and leadership is something I try to live out every day.

And for a whole week leading up to the 45 minute speech, I had lost my voice.

There were butterflies, alright, but there were fears even bigger. 

Questioning myself about “how am I going to do this if I can’t even string together two sentences?”

And “do I really think that I can share my message and gracefully manage this unexpected challenge?”

Well, it all came down to that morning.

I tuned into the zoom, and did vocal warmups in the morning.

I was feeling better, and beforehand, I took a 15 minute timer to write down what I wanted to say to the students…

Short sentences like 

“Be silly.”

“Perform and smile a lot”

“Encourage dialogue”

And after I had a whole page of ideas and tidbits of what I wanted to say, I took on the 45 minutes of time and molded it into the most fun and engaging zoom meeting I could.

By the end, I felt like I had fulfilled my goals. And my anxieties were settled because I finally had the time to take action on it, and I didn’t have to wait around for the time to come.

I feel the same way now. 

The time has come for my flight, and now it’s just a matter of getting down to do it.

My goals are squarely written down in my journal, and have been exchanged in countless conversations with my family, and now, I get to go and live it.

See you soon, Copenhagen!

Terminal B, Gate 157,

Flight AY02